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Deborahs Diamonds

Things That Hallmark Cards Dont Say

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THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

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My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I 've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.



-------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.



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As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.



############################################


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.



********************************************



Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.



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We have been friends for a very long time .

let's say we stop?



++++++++++++++++++++++



I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



=================



C ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.